Best Friend’s Sister Lyrics
I had too much to drink,
She wasn’t who I thought.
Distracted my her wig and glasses.
Looking at the pretty girls’ asses.
I took her to my room
Don’t want to be a bride and groom,
Just want to see her in my bed.
The wig fell off her head.
I’m going to be dead.
I can’t believe its my best friends sister I almost laid.
There’s a whore down the block I could’ve paid.
She just turned 18,
In the running for prom queen.
I’ve known her forever
Never imagined being in a compromising position together.
I can’t believe I almost laid my best friends sister.
Back to calling her father mister
And getting kicked out of her house.
Armed with picket signs, Bennett and Victoria were just two members of an irate group of bananas that has formed outside The Big Fruit Company in California. Along with the support of the National Banana Association, or the NBA for short, their mission was to protest the mass murder of their family members.
Bennett and Victoria were the ringleaders of the group, which had formed at 6:30 in the morning and was at the time blocking all entrance into the building in what could only be described as a peaceful protest; after all, Bennett’s hero is Martin Luther King Jr. to whom he felt a special connection to since his fellow species members were being discriminated against.
The mob intended on protesting more and more vehemently until The Big Fruit Company executives agreed to hold a meeting. As Victoria, who is Bennett’s wife, told one member of the press, “The way they have treated us is brutal, just brutal.”
Victoria was in charge of handing out signs, which read “Don’t Eat Us, We Don’t Eat You” and “Refrain from Eating Plantains”. By 6:45, she had already handed out 400 signs to the approximately 500 bananas that had assembled. As more and more bananas arrived, more members of the press showed up, until almost every major media outlet had a reporter on the scene.
At 7:30 on the dot, after an hour of waiting, the group of more than 1,000 bananas was excited when the president of The Big Fruit Company, also known as “The Top Banana”, drove up in his Rolls-Royce. More feverishly than before, the group starts walking around in circles and chanting to the tune of Hollaback Girl:
Let me hear you say don’t eat us bananas,
Don’t eat us bananas,
Don’t eat us bananas,
Don’t eat us bananas,
“The Top Banana” was angered once he realized that the group would not allow him to enter the building, or even park his car. Bennett and Victoria insisted that he hold a meeting with them and told the president that they were not going to move until that simple demand was met.
While his immediate reaction was to deny their request, he quickly realized that this mob was fervent about its cause and was willing to endure anything and everything to get their point across. “The Top Banana” could not believe the group as they picketed despite threats of being humiliatingly peeled, the banana equivalent of a strip search, which is why he gave in.
After the president of The Big Fruit Company got out of his car and settled into his office for the day, he called for Bennett and Victoria to be brought up to the conference room, which was across the hall from his office. “The Top Banana” walked into the office and greeted his unexpected and not completely welcome guests with an insincere: “Welcome to The Big Fruit Company Headquarters, I am David Keller. And you are?”
“Bennett and Victoria,” the couple replied at the same time. Bennett continued, “As you may have figured out, we, as representatives of the National Banana Association, are here to discuss, what we hope is just an unfortunate misunderstanding. Your company, The Big Fruit Company, has killed billions of innocent bananas over the course of over fifty years. While we understand that humans need to eat and that they do not get their nutrients the same way us bananas do, we hope you understand that there are better alternatives to bananas.”
Mr. Keller then responded angrily to Bennett’s heartfelt plea with: “This is ridiculous I can’t believe I am talking to bananas. Bennett, Victoria. Get out of here before I make banana splits out of all of you!”
Shocked and horrified Bennett and Victoria stood staring at the president. Victoria repeated Bennett’s sentiment, but Mr. Keller wasn’t having any of it and denied their request. Resorting to the only option left, the couple desperately tried to convince him to, at the very least, stop eating bananas because they figured that maybe it was possible to save their species one banana at a time. Unfortunately, the final plea was in vain as it was made at the same time the two banana representatives were being escorted away in handcuffs.
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